the time has come

finally. Dr khoo promised me that the hair will start falling off this wednesday or thursday. It began yesterday with a few strands whenever i ran my fingers through it. Today, it is leaving its trail everywhere. If i was in a martial arts movie, instead of my blood trail, my enemy will have to look my hair trail.

actually if i had my way, i wld hv shaved my hair before my 1st chemo. But mum was very traumatised, she insisted that we wait for the miracle to happen. Well, it is true that not all who receive chemo lost their mane but that is an extremely minority group. If anyone had listened to the conversation between me & mum, explaining the advantages of shaving, one wld be confused who is the cancer patient!

u see mum belongs to the generation who believe that femininity is defined by such attributes like beautiful hair, being married, knowing how to cook, do housework, look after your husband. In reality, i only possesse the 1st 2 conditions and now i am going down to juz one!

though she never said anything, what she 'sim tia' (heart pain) most is the demise of my left breast. And i am feelin remorseful too - for not missing it a tiny bit - pun unintended! A friend asked whether i felt 'lop-sided' . Aiyo, such weight problem is only reserved for ladies with huge assests lah.

the only problem i hv to solve is how to wear my beautiful dresses which require to show a little curve. But i shouldn't call it a problem - these days with so many breast enhancer pads that come in different shape & sizes & material, the only problem is to find something cheap & good!

alas, i used to sneer & look down on these enhancer products. And i hv to turn to them now to fill the void. 做人真的要留点余地，以后好下台 - one must always leave some space, or else there will be no steps to go off stage.

yeah, a brand new me tmr! watch out for my new hair do.

the latest man in my life

my nephew lah!
picture dated 27 Aug.

one breast left

haahaahaa, i have waited too long to title my 2nd entry with this line. But sadly, only my theatre friends or pple interested in the local theatre scene will catch the joke.

so actually today's writing has nothing to do with the title : )

ok here's something for everyone: when i decided to engage the surgeon to take on the surgery, i sang her this line on the phone "Take my breast away..." of course she laughed lah, how else could she react?!

anyways, went for my blood test today after my 1st chemo and as expected, the blood count is low but Dr Khoo said i am doing better than he expected! As for the low blood count (which means risk of infection & illnesses is higher), i wil juz hv to be careful not get near or allow sick pple to get near me. If the level does not go back to normal before 6 Sept (my 2nd chemo session), i wil hv to get booster jabs. But each jab costs > $200 and i wil need 3!

Meanwhile, dun worry be happy. I wil continue with my morning walks in the Botanic Gardens, eat, sleep, watch HK serial dvds, and order spy around. Now, that's the life of yixiunai - in cantonese it is used to address the second daughter-in-law in an extended & rich family. The only problem is spy's family is neither extended nor rich.

akan datang - my latest photo! but wait lah.........

kahwei the blogger but i no gahmen

Nano Nano...!

On this day , the post of planet was officially taken from Pluto.

Now, the Fellowship is down to 8.

Nine rings to rule them all, so Sauron must audition one more.

R.I.P, P.
Rest in Peace, Pluto.

my frens must be scratching their heads about my first entry. arent i supposed to talk about my condition? but i needed to get Pluto off my chest. Dear experts of the universe: Thanks for giving me the joke of the week. 2 thousand 500 hundred eminent experts discussing whether to call Pluto a planet or a dog.

now i have to redo my astrological chart.

anyways, below is the 1st email i sent out to frens on 11 Aug to update or inform them abt the new journey that i hv embarked on. Thought i wld juz hv a copy here so that the journal feels more complete....

My dear friends,

My sole reason for writing this email is to raise awareness for a medical condition which I have been diagnosed about a month ago. For those of you who already knew, this is my latest update.

I have breast cancer (stage 2b). Now don’t panic don’t worry. It’s early detection and I am doing all that I can to fight it.

Just very briefly for the new comers. I found out by self-examination. But I am not the good girl who does her self-examination every month. I only do it occasionally. So I found a hard lump in my left breast and almost immediately went to see a specialist. After a series of tests which included mammogram, blood test and the final tissue test, it was confirmed that the lump (3.7cm) was cancerous. Because there was another smaller lump (3mm) also cancerous found in the other quarter of the breast, I had to remove the entire breast.

The surgery was done on 28 July and it was very successful. However, 2 of the 17 lymph nodes removed were tested positive. Because of the size of the bigger lump, the involvement of the lymph nodes and my youthful age (and look :) , I must go through chemotherapy to reduce the recurrence of the cancer (remember I still have my right breast : ) or distant recurrence to other parts of the body.

So I will start my chemo on 16 Aug for 6 sessions (once every 3 weeks). And after that, 5 weeks of radiotherapy. Please don’t call my mobile or home or my husband after the 16th I will update you guys.

Ladies, please start your monthly self-examination NOW. And guys, please tell any women close to you to do it. If you need more info on this and breast cancer, log on to the Breast Cancer Foundation http://bcf.org.sg/index.asp?id=home

You see, breast cancer is not confined to older women ( I am 39 going on 40 still young lah).
Not only for smokers (I don’t).
Not only for those with family history (none in my family).
Not only for those with unhealthy eating habits (I eat very little red meat & more veg).
Not only for those with big boobs (heehee u know me lah)

I am not saying all these to frighten you. No. Early detection saves lives and a lot of pain & money.

Which brings me to another topic: insurance. Now, though I am on no-pay leave till next Jul, I am not selling insurance part-time. Please don’t depend solely on your company for your medical bill. I am concerned for my dear artist friends especially those who don’t even have a company to depend on.

Buy your insurance BEFORE you develop any condition and while you are young (cheaper mah). I am grateful that I bought and do not need to worry about my expenses now.

There are 2 basic insurance I have:

1. Hospitalization & Surgery
2. Critical illness (lump sum payout - pun unintended : )

For # 1, if you have money in your CPF Medisave, seriously consider AVIVA Myshield policy as you can use the Medisave to pay for the premium. Even my insurance agent from a rival company advised me to get it (but i was too late).

For #2, if you really do not have the spare cash to buy a comprehensive one, at least get a term policy (of $50,000) . Get something within your means.

Please speak to your insurance agent for further details. My advice is limited. If you need, I can recommend my agents to you (hey, I am not getting commission from them!).

Raymond from AXA , hp:96819341
Adeline from Great Eastern, hp: 97455448
Sarah from AIA, hp:97802352

Sorry my overseas friends, pls find your own agent.

Take care & smile,
kahwei